PASS ME THE TURKEY AND, OH BY THE WAY, I’M GAY

Gareth Thomas comes OUT
Published on: 28 December 2009

A recent article about macho Welsh rugby player Gareth Thomas announcing that he is gay caught my eye and on reading it I discovered that there are a few things that are still as true about coming out today as they have always been – and a couple  of things that have changed. With this being the time of year when we gather with our families it's also a time where we usually discuss our lives, make announcements and sometimes smooth over some of the year's upsets.

No matter what your age or situation there seem to be certain aspects of dropping the big discussion around coming out that are shared experiences. The biggest hurdle for anyone to overcome is usually to do with all sorts of irrational fears that we have formed around our sexuality. It is the feeling of not being true to ourselves that has us wondering if other people know of our secret and how they would react if it weren't a secret any longer. And I think this highlights the most important aspect of coming out – it's a rather private thing. The largest response I've noted to Gareth Thomas coming out has been a resounding response of 'who cares' which on one hand is rather heartening because his sexuality is no longer a source of degrading scandal. I do however think that for Gareth Thomas it was a really big thing.

This makes for the point I wish to make around breaking the news to folks or friends over this season. My tip would be not to make it spectacular – don't wait for the family to all be sitting down as a crowd with someone telling a joke about a gay elf to finally drop the news. People react far better to you speaking about your sexuality if you discuss it with them alone or in a small crowd – this way they can also ask all of the weird questions that are bound to follow without being embarrassed or giving your homophobic uncle a coronary. It's not about the drama; it's about telling people who you are.

Something that seems to have changed for the better nowadays is the amount of supportive friends you will discover amongst your seemingly straight collection. Chances are that most if not all of the friends who you come out to will remain as close as ever and it will have little difference on your relationships with them – once you've got beyond explaining that it doesn't mean you are hitting on them if you give them a hug.

The one side of Gareth Thomas' story which I am glad is receiving some attention was his admitting to how hiding his sexual orientation drove him to depression and almost to suicide. This is not something to do with him being a public figure who was living a lie (trying to be happily married and aggressively opposing gay notions) though it seems he may have had to do more acting than most but it does reveal something that many people experience. The light at the end of the tunnel is the revelation that no person has ever said that coming out has made them more depressed. If you wish to come out over the more forgiving festive season – choose a sympathetic relative and break the news. It seems to have done Gareth Thomas a world of good so far.